How Marriages Happen - Hindu Mudaliar Community

Mudaliar community is one of the prominent communities in Tamil Nadu, India. The Mudaliars are relatively educated and socially well-aware and known for the flair for fine arts. Mudaliar community lives not only in Tamil Nadu but also all over the world. Mudaliar marriages follow the similar pattern of other South Indian weddings.This article captures the rituals commonly followed among the different Mudaliar communities in the recent days.

Marriages are mostly arranged by the parents in the Mudaliar community. As the internet started penetrating very fast, the online matrimonial sites and marriage bureaus are also used by the parents to search for the petential matches.

Once a suitable match is found, the families arrange for an engagement ceremony called ‘Nichayadaartham’. During this engagement ceremony, groom’s family provides gifts such as saree, jewels and plates of  betel leaves, coconut, turmeric, fruits, flowers, sweets etc. to the bride. Bride’s family also provides gifts to Groom.This exchanging of gifts is known as ‘Thambulam Mattrazh or Nichayadaartham’. An important element of this event is fixing the date for wedding ceremony.

Wedding rituals in Mudaliyar communities begins with Ganesha Pooja. Erection of the marriage pandal is known as ‘Pandakaal’ infront of their respective homes. During this ceremony, nine married women decorate the bamboo pillars with turmeric and kumkum dots in odd numbers.

Though ‘Nalangu’ is performed both for bride and groom, the Nalangu for bride is given more attention. The bride is seated on a wooden plank placed on a banana leafs filled with uncooked rice grains. Sandalwood paste, kumkum and rose water are placed on a stool beside the bride, along with betel leaf, betel nut ,flowers and arathi. Married women from the bride and groom's family apply sandalwood paste on the hands of bride, bless her with kumkum and arathy.

Receiving the groom ‘Maapillai Azhaippu’ is the next ritual,where the bride’s brother or uncle goes to the groom’s house to invite the groom to marry the bride. Then groom is taken to wedding  hall ,there ladies from the bride's family welcome the bridegroom with the arathi.

On the morning of the wedding 'Pandal' is erected and decorated with banana tree stalks, tender coconuts, mango leaves and flowers. In olden days, the kings were invited for the wedding. Nowadays as a mark of respect and as a measure of raising the standard , a bamboo is erected on the marriage altar signifying the presence of the King. It is called ‘Arasan kal’.

When the bride and groom are getting dressed, the groom's side will  cook rice in a clay pot called ‘Manai Pongal’. When the bride and groom enter the marriage venue ‘Pandal’, the married women will welcome them with garlands. The couple will offer prayers to all the deities before entering the 'Pandal'.

The priest will lit the Homam the sacred  fire to act as a witness to the marriage of this new couple. The priests are still an integral part of the modern marriages, even though number of other rituals has undergone changes. Priest conducts the Ganapati Homam invoking the blessings of Lord Ganesha for the couple. Handing over the bride to the bride is the core of the wedding which is called ‘Kannikadanam’.  

Padha Pooja is washing the feet of the parents. This is performed to get their blessings and to show the gratitude to them. Kashi Yatra is an event where the groom will go get ready for a pilgrimage but he will be stopped by the bride's brother and he will request the groom to marry the bride. The Groom will accept it and return home. The bride perform puja to Goddess Lakshmi ‘Mahalakshmi Puja’ and then does 'padapuja' for her parents and seeks their blessings.

Mangalyam Kattal is the climax of the wedding ceremony. The groom will tie the 'mangalyam' thread with three knots to the bride. This is done with the ‘Nadhaswaram' playing in the background, and the couple is blessed with the showering of rice dipped in turmeric, and flowers by all present at the ceremony. After this the couple goes around the fire 3 times and will offer puffed rice to the sacred fire. Arundhati paarthal is performed after this ritual.

The couple go around the arasanaikal 3 times, who are accompanied by the unmarried girls from the bride's and groom's family.

‘Sammanthi Mariyathai’ is to provide a chance for the bride and grooms family to interact with each other. It is celebrated through sharing of clothes and gifts.

This brings an end to the marriage events. In the recent days ‘Reception’ is arranged to receive the blessings of the friends and relatives who could not take part in the core events of the wedding.  Reception will be arranged either on the same day or some other convenient day.

How Marriages Happen - Hindu Brahmin Community

Under the Indian caste system, Brahmin is considered as one of the highest castes. Brahmins are a prominent community spread across the whole of India and some of them are settled in various place of the world especially in U.S.A., UK, Canada & Gulf Countries. Marriage rituals vary in North & south Indian context. In the recent days as there is not enough time available to perform all the rituals, so the marriages in Brahmin community do happen in much shorter version. Though the rituals and customs differ in each marriage, the marriage function itself signifies the lifelong commitment to companionship.  This article writen based on a typical Tamil(south Indian) Brahmin marriage, celebrated in the Vedic style, where importance is given to the traditions and rituals which have been passed on over centuries.The wedding itself used to last over 5 days in olden times, but these days, the rituals are packed into the time available, and most marriages are held over one or two days.

Marriages in brahmin communities are predominantly arranged by the parents. Horoscope plays a vital role in deciding the compatibility of the bride and groom – which indicate the planetary positions at the time of their birth, and are said to predict their character itself. Brahmin community is one of the first communities to start using the online matrimony sites in selecting the right matches.

Once the match is finalized,an engagement function is held on an auspicious day in the groom’s house and the two parties mutually agree on the proposal.This agreement is solemnized with exchange of Thamboolam (banana,coconut and betel leaf).

The main part of the wedding starts with the ‘vradham’ performed separately by the bride and the groom, which is mainly to receive the blessings from thier family deities and ancestors. An yellow thread is tied around the wrist of both, the bride and the groom, during this ceremony, which marks their oath, and reminds them of it.

The evening ceremonies begin with Janavasam. A temple is chosen for this purpose since it is a sacred place to begin the ceremonies. In the presence of the Lord, the bride’s brother is the first to welcome the groom, giving him new clothes. The groom wears the new clothes and is taken in a procession to the venue.The bride is now given a new sari by the groom’s sister.Once the bride and groom are seated, the formal engagement will takes place.

Kasi Yatra, a very important part of the ceremony. In the olden days, this is to represent that the young boy after education heading to kasi to join the ranks of sanysis. On his way the bride’s father intervenes and advises him of the superiority of married life . He also promises to give his daughter as companion to face the challenges of life, assuring him of all comforts and happiness.

Malai mathal and Oonjal happens following Kasi Yatra. During this ceremony,the bride and groom are lifted to the shoulders of their respective maternal uncles to express sibling support. Then,the marrying couple is seated on a swing, Oonjal. They rock forth and back, as women sing songs to praise the couple. The bride and groom are given milk, sugar and bananas to eat. Before the couple get up from the swing, they are asked to hold hands for the first time.

The main part of the marriage is Kanya Dhanam(Giving away the bride). The bride is made to sit on her father’s lap and is given away as a gift by him to the bridegroom. The bride is then given a new sari, exclusive for the occasion, called the koorai is chosen. This sari is draped around the bride by the sister of the bridegroom, signifying her welcome to the bride. A belt made of reed grass is then tied around the bride’s waist. The bride ties a string fastened to a piece of turmeric around the wrist of the bridegroom to bind themselves by a religious vow,called ‘Kankana Dhaaranam’. It is only after tying the kankanam that the bridegroom gets the right to touch the bride. A little later, the bridegroom ties a kankanam to the bride’s wrist.

After a few more rituals, all of which involve invoking the different deities for their blessings, the groom ties the Mangalsutra mounted on a yellow thread around the neck of the bride.To this three knots are tied. The first one by the bridegroom. The other two knots are tied by the groom’s sister to make the bride a part of their family.There are two such mangalsutras in a Tamil marriage – one from the bride’s family, and one from the groom’s family. Every family has its own pattern for the Mangalsutra, depending on which part of the state they hail from, and the Mangalsutra thus signifies the bond between the two families.Once the main rituals are completed, the elders in the families bless the couple by throwing yellow colored rice on them.

A crucial part of the wedding is the homage paid by the couple to Agni, the God of Fire. The couple goes around the fire, and feed it with ghee and twigs of nine types of holy trees as sacrificial fuel. The fumes that arise possess medicinal, curative and cleansing effects on the bodies of the couple. Then,holding the bride’s left toe the bridegroom helps her to tread on a grindstone kept on the right side of a fire.

Traditionally, some parts of the Homam are conducted after sunset, just before the bride and groom retire for the night. As part of this, the bride and groom are taken outside and shown two stars – one is the pole star and the second is Arundhati. The bride and groom are shown these stars as great personages they must try to emulate.

Since the marriage is held at the bride’s home or a venue chosen by the bride’s family, it is usually not possible for the groom to take his wife home the same day. Besides, there are loads of rituals yet to be completed. At the same time, it is believed that a new bride must enter her new house at an auspicious hour, and hence a ceremony representing her entry into her husband’s house is performed at the venue itself. She is taken to the groom’s home and is welcomed with all love and respect, the women giving her gifts and new saris. This is known as the Griha Pravesham.

Nalangu is full of games and songs conducted by the relatives of the bride and groom. This is conducted ni the evening of the marriage day to relax and play. This helps not only bride and  groom but also the relatives to get to know each other. These events bring out the qualities of the bride and the groom’s kindness, co-operative nature thus bringing about better understanding and compatibility.

Shanti Muhurtham is arranged on the night for an auspicious time for a happy and ever-lasting married life that is full of understanding and care.

How Marriages Happen - Hindu Kongu Vellala Gounder Community

Kongu Vellala Gounders are part of vellala Community in Hindu Religion. Kongu Vellalars are one of the major Tamil speaking communities in India. They are also spread across the world ranging from Sri Lanka, Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, United States, Australia, Europe, Fiji, South Africa and many other countries.

Marriages in Kongu Vellala Gounders community are predominantly arranged by parents after considering number of factors. Parents decide whether their son or daughter is ready for marriage. Even though things are changing in the new world. The youngsters are also given a chance to express their wishes to their partners. Parents requests their friends and relatives to let them know of any suitable alliances. In the recent days the online matrimony sites like Shaadi.com, arathy.com, Bharatmatrimony play a key role in helping the parents to have access to large list of available brides and grooms from across the world.

Parents decide on the bride or groom based on number of factors like horoscope match, family status (economic & societal), earning capabilities, education level etc. There are still number of alliances rejected on the grounds of horoscope matching, even though every thing else looks pretty close. Now a days there is an added criteria of whether the girl can work after marriage is also considered as there is so much of pressure to earn more to keep the societal expectations.  

Marriage broker(Tharagar), plays a key role in convincing both sides to agree on the expectations. Matrimonial websites for Kongu Vellala Gounders lack hugely on this aspect as they donot interact with the families personally.

Once the parents decide that the alliance can be progressed then the marriage broker confirms with both family to go and visit the bride family. This is more of to get to know each other rather than commiting for the marriage. There may be cases where the families may not be satisfied after this visit itself. If the groom family is happy then the next stage is for bride family to visit groom’s house.

If every body is happy then the tharagar will intermediate to have a betrothal (Nichayathartham). This is considered a commitment to go for marriage between both families. Grooms family will bring new saree and Thaalee along with flower,fruits  and coconuts. This will be exchanged between the parents as an agreement for marriage. The bride will wear the new saree and that will be taken as an agreement from the bride for marriage. After everyone settles down, an auspicious date for marriage will be agreed by both families after consulting with the Josier(Horoscope Reader). Josier is one of the key person who can make or break a marriage in this community. As their word is taken almost the final to decide whether they pair match for each other.

Once the betrothal is over, the bride and groom will be allowed to speak to each other bit more freely. In the cell phone era, there are schemes aiming specifically for these couple. It is not uncommon to see the excited couple to speak to death to enjoy their freedom and commitment.

Invitation for marriages is one of the key and time consuming activity as far as kongu vellala gounder community is concerned. They go extra mile to give the invitations to thousands of people personally. Navithan(barber), used to help deliver the invitation for those to whom it can’t be delivered personally.

The marriage ceremonies in Gounders started becoming more crisp and simpler nowadays. In the simpler version, the close circle of family and friends go along with groom and bride to a temple and marry each other with much smaller crowd. A reception will be conducted on the same day to receive the wishes from all other relatives and friends. There are people do consider the 3 day marriage function as it used to happen historically. But the longer version started becoming countable in the fast paced world. The wealthier people do consider having the longer version predominantly. The marriage events will come to close with the serving of grand feast to all relatives, friends and neighbors. Mui (gifts) vanguthal is a ceremony used to happen in the previous days which will give an opportunity for the wishers to offer gifts that will help the new couple to start their new life. Even though now a days many people declare that they dont want to receive the Mui, as it is increasingly difficult to gift the Mui in return during the gifted person’s functions.

After the marriage, the bride is taken to the groom house and the groom will again be taken to the brides house which are called ‘Maapillai & Ponnu Alaithal’. When the bride visits the groom’s house first time, she will be asked to lit up a Kuthu vilaku which is considered a symbolic representation that the bride will bring the cheer and light to the family. There after the new couple takes charge in to their new life.

It does not all end there. The celebrations continue even after the marriage in the form of the first Pongal, first Aadi and first Deepavali which are celebrated with cheer in the bride’s house. There will be gifts from the bride’s parents to show their love and support to the young couple.


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The Author Sivaranjani is a Research Analyst in Arathy.com Matrimonials. Arathy.com is a matrimonial service provider based in India with 1000s of profiles across 30+ countries. 
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