“If a man can find a suitable wife and a man can find a suitable and understanding wife both are fortunate indeed.” those are the words of Buddha, the founder of Buddhism.
The Buddhist views on wedding are very liberal. In Buddhism, marriage is considered as a personal affair and not as a religious duty or sacramental. Buddhism does not compel a person to be married or to lead a life of total chastity. Buddhism allows each individual the freedom to decide for himself or herself all the issues pertaining to marriage. Hence forth there is no set rules pertaining to the ceremonies and rituals carried out during a Buddhist Marriage.
Since Buddhism is spread all over the world, the rituals during the ceremony generally depends on the local People and their culture.In China, firstly a civil ceremony is completed, then a proper wedding is done with Buddhist rituals.On the evening before the wedding day there is a party held involving all the friends and family except for the bride to be, as she is not supposed to see the groom before the wedding day. On this day the grooms family brings a roast pig to the brides family as a gift. At the brides house, the pig is cut into three equal parts and the middle part is sent back to grooms house with lots of fruits as a tradition.After cutting the pig a tea party is held at both the groom and the brides house where the bride and groom get the blessings of the elders in the family. During this tea party the groom and bride receive small red packets containing money or jewellery as gifts. On wedding day the groom goes to the brides house where the bridesmaid tease him with tricky questions.The groom answers the questions and give red packets with money to the bridesmaid and only then he is allowed to take the bride to the wedding. The wedding ceremony takes place in an altar or the grooms house itself before a Buddha shrine. The couple kneel before the shrine and their parents serve them tea. After the tea ceremony the couples are blessed by all family and friends. On the wedding night the couple spend the night at the grooms house where the bed is specially made with new linen. The bride and groom are made to stand on each side of the bed and a small boy is made to jump on the bed. This is believed to bring children in the family. Three days after the wedding the bride visits her parents house and exchange gifts.
Sri Lankan Buddhist Weddings are influenced by the Hindu culture. The Srilankan Buddhist wedding is done in prominence to ‘Nekath’, the auspicious times.”Nekath” is derived using the birth date of the bride and groom. Poruwa is a beautifully decorated wooden stage where the wedding cermony Siritha, is conducted hence the wedding is termed as Poruwa Siritha. The bridegroom and his family and the bride and her family are made to assemble on left and right of the Poruwa.The couple enter the Poruwa with their right foot and hold each others hands. Shilpadhipathi (master of ceremonies) presents a hand of betel leaves to the couple, which they accept and hand back to him to be placed on a height of the Poruwa.This symbolises the offering of betel to gods.The bride's father places the right hand of the bride in the groom’s hand as a symbolic gesture of handing over the bride to the bridegroom.The groom's brother hands a tray to the groom with seven sheaves of betel leaves with a coin placed in each. The groom holds the tray while the bride takes one sheaf at a time and drops it on the Poruwa. The groom repeats this process. This is a custom carried out to remember seven generations of relatives on each side. Then the bride's maternal uncle, ties the small fingers of the bride and groom with a gold thread and then pours water over the fingers. This indicates that the water that falls on the ground shall remain there as a witness to the wedding. Then the groom presents a white cloth to the brides mother as a token of love and gratitude for bringing up his wife. Then the grooms mothers gives away a Saree as a parting gift to the bride who hands that over to her mother. Then the bride and groom are made to feed each other some milk rice and kavum a special food. Then the couple step down from the Poruwa and Shilpathi breaks a coconut and the couple light up a brass oil lamp to signify their resolve to keep the home fires burning.
In India horoscope matching plays a vital role in arranging a marriage. Kika, Buddhist astrology decides the date and even the colour of the wedding attire for the bride and groom. Once the horoscopes of the boy and girl are matched the boy’s family, in consultation with the lama, the priest or Monk, fixes up an auspicious date for the engagement which is the Chessian betrothal ceremony. In some regions the engagement ceremony is called Nangchang. During this ceremony the maternal uncle of the bride is seated on a raised wooden platform and the priest recites prayers and gives a holy drink called Madyan to everybody to drink. Then a date is fixed for the wedding after consulting the astrologer. The Buddhist marriage is held at a temple, both the bride and groom dress in beautiful sarongs and jewellery. Hot colours like red and gold are preferred for the occasion. During the ceremony the bride and groom must recite in turn, the vows that are prescribed for each of them in the Sigilovdda Sutta (Digha Nikilya).Vow for the groom: "Towards my wife I undertake to love and respect her, be kind and considerate, be faithful, delegate domestic management, provide gifts to please her." Vow for the bride: "Towards my husband I undertake to perform my household duties efficiently, be hospitable to my in-laws and friends of my husband, be faithful, protect and invest our earnings, discharge my responsibilities lovingly and conscientiously."At the end, the parents and the assembly would recite the Mangala Sutta and Jayamangala Gatha to offer their blessings for the couple. After this, the couple makes offering to the monks such as flowers, food, sweets and medicines. At times, token money is also given to the temple. As for the Vidaai (girl's leaving maiden house for husband's house) ceremony, it is quite common for the newly wed couple to opt to stay at the girl's house. They could also decide to stay separately from either family.The girl's departure from her paternal house is also selected from the kika. This day could be any day between the first day after marriage till the tenth day.
